Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Breakup Goggles

I think this may be a phenomenon identified by How I Met Your Mother - the idea that, once you've decided to end a relationship, suddenly you start to see it all through idealized, rose-colored glasses.  Now, this is a faulty metaphor for me, because I have had a wonderful time during my stay here in Marshall, MN.  But in addition to the awesome rehearsals and classes, I've also been more than a little solitary and homesick as well... and that is most definitely the part of the guest director experience that I was least prepared for and am most looking forward to being rid of.  And now, as I'm sitting here in the theatre before our final dress rehearsal, looking ahead to the dwindling days I have left here at SMSU and with the great people I have met here, I am definitely feeling sad that this time is about to come to an end.  Theatre is a small world, and there is every possibility that I may cross paths with many of these folks again at some point, but I have no idea when that will be.  So as much as a big part of me has wanted to go home to Brian and our kitties (and my own bathroom!), the idea of not being here anymore is getting sadder and sadder each day.  I've been so lucky with all the great folks I've met here, it's going to be tough to bid them all farewell!

And even tougher, I have no idea when my next show will be!  It will be awesome to see my boyfriend when he arrives on Friday, and awesome to see our friends in Chicago on Saturday, and awesome to get home to my sweet kitties on Sunday... but once I get back to Ypsi, my immediate (and distant) future is made up entirely of writing my dissertation, writing articles, writing presentations, and applying for jobs.  For the first time in I don't know how long, I have no next show in the pipe.  And that is terrifying.  When will be my next chance to direct or act?  I have no idea.  That, among all the other uncertainties hanging over my head at this particular point in my life, is probably the one that makes me feel the most out to sea.  Well...that and the big question of a paycheck after May... but that just makes me want to throw up a little bit.  So... yeah.

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