Happy

I spent part of this evening going through old letters from friends and family.  There were letters from family members sent to me at summer camp, notes from ex-boyfriends, notes from old friends about ex-boyfriends, totally mundane little exchanges... but all of them had to be sent through the mail with handwriting and stamps, rather than simply texted without a moment's thought.  I admit, I ended up throwing away a lot of them - some were just too unremarkable, some were even from people who I can't even remember.  But they all made me think about the countless people I've bumped up against in my life, and the amazing little marks they've all left on me, whether I knew it or not.

So, with all these people in my past and present, and with so many upcoming changes coming down the pipe to my future... I got to thinking some more.  I don't know if I'm lucky or if I've worked hard or if some higher power is conspiring to give me warm fuzzies, but I do know that I am happy.  I have the most amazing, loving, weird, hilarious, fun family on the planet.  And this weekend, when I brought home the caring, supportive, nerdy, brilliant man who has (for one reason or another) agreed with me that we should go ahead and spend our lives together, this band of fantastic people to whom I am related welcomed him with open arms and inside jokes aplenty.  Brian and I are moving forward - taking big new steps in our lives, and we're doing it with the support and love of the people who mean the most to me in the world.  I have amazing brothers (and sister-in-law) with gigantic brains and hearts, delicious little nieces with smiles that light up the planet, parents who believe in me even when I forget how to do that for myself, and who provide a model every day of what a marriage is supposed to look like, aunts and uncles and cousins who are a huge part of who I am, even though I don't see them as often as I would like... and I have this Giant Ginger who said, "Hey... I'm on board for this crazy ride!  Let's do this!"

These last few days at home have been a huge gift.  And I just hope that I can hold onto this feeling on those days when I'm feeling down or grouchy or defeated or lonely or a little less than upbeat.  Because this family I get to be a part of...(and the AWESOME wine and whisky that tends to go with it) has got to be about as good as it gets.

I'm being uncharacteristically mooshy right now... but hey... I'm surrounded by the love of amazing people.  I think a little mooshy is fully justified.

Conferences

I have now been to a fair number of academic conferences.  I've got quite the collection of acronyms going: ASTR, IFTR, MATC, CDC (not the one you're thinking)... and I have some thoughts.

1) Going to a conference alone is hard.  I am not super high on the social skill-o-meter, and just striking up conversations with strangers does not come naturally to me.  I know that the schmooze is part of life, but it's a part for which I've never developed any proficiency.  And I can't say that the little groups of people who probably haven't seen each other since the last conference don't always do much to reach out to newcomers. So often, these things can be pretty lonely affairs for me.  Bringing or meeting one or two conference buddies changes the experience in a big way.

2) There seem to be two kinds of conferences: the ones where everyone wants to make themselves look bigger, and the ones where everyone gets jazzed about how big everyone else is/could be.  It's hard to tell before you go to the conference what the particular culture of it will be, but once you get there, it's sort of unmistakable.  You can feel the vibe when people ask and answer questions - are they trying to show off? catch someone in a mistake? Or are they trying to follow out the work, expanding their own understanding or the writer's understanding or all of our understanding in the process?  Do you leave feeling dejected, or energized?  Of course, both kinds of people go to both kinds of conferences, but I do think there tends to be an overarching feel to any given conference - and I definitely prefer the latter.

3) Conference book discounts really are pretty good!

4) If at all possible, stay at the main conference hotel.  That usually means you can easily sneak away to your room if the conference is getting a little overwhelming (or boring... or whatever).

5) Don't feel like you have to be present for every single second of the conference.  Maybe you fly in the morning of the first day, missing the first session or two.  Maybe the last flight out on the last day is at 5:00, so you'll miss the last couple sessions.  Unless you're IN one of those sessions, or unless there's something specifically applicable to your research, it's okay to leave.  I know that kinda sucks, because the people presenting in those sessions deserve every bit as much attention as anyone else, but the fact is, people are going to stay, people are going to be there to hear their work, and sometimes those extra nights of hotel time are just too much of a price to pay.  Don't feel guilty about it.

5b) Just because a session is a plenary session for everyone doesn't mean that you're remotely interested in it.  It's okay to take a long lunch.  It's beautiful outside!

5c) Don't miss the keynote!  Even if you don't think you're interested in them, there's probably a reason they're a keynote... they're probably pretty bitchin'!

6) Business cards.  I don't have business cards - what with my not having a job.  I mean, I have my old actor ones with my headshot, but it would feel a little weird passing my headshot around academia, so I'm holding off.  But I'm constantly wishing I did have something to just hand to the few people I actually have the guts to talk to.  Maybe someone dug my paper - I should give him a card!  Maybe someone had a really great resource or tie in to my own research - I should give her a card!  Writing on their forearm in sharpie really doesn't have the professionalism that I'm going for.

7) Don't expect every conference to be awesome.  You're going to see great work, you're going to see mediocre work.  You're going to have great conversations, you're going to hide in the back corner.  Once in a while, you're going to have an amazing couple of days that really get your academic juices flowing, but more often than not, it's going to be hit and miss.  Just keep your eyes open so that you don't miss the hits.

8) Do make a point to see at least a little of the city you're in.  Some conferences are in crappy places, some are in awesome places... but if at all possible, try to be in the place a bit.  You can't really say you've been to Cleveland if you never left the hotel.

9) WATCH THE PEOPLE.  Academics are weird.  And theatre academics are even weirder.  Collect some of these characters for the future!  There was this one fascinating woman I kept encountering at this last conference - I am so going to use her as an improv character one of these days!

9b) While you're watching the people... also watch yourself.  Don't get caught trying to reproduce their voice or mannerisms right there... 

Bruce Lee

In the course of one month, I have presented three papers at two conferences (MATC and CDC)... and I have listened to two brilliant playwrights (Rajiv Joseph and David Henry Hwang) give their views on life, theatre, and, oddly enough, Bruce Lee.  Now, the Hwang connection is actually fairly logical, as this famous Chinese-American playwright just opened a play about Bruce Lee in New York about a month and a half ago, so it seems fair that Lee would be on his mind.  But Rajiv Joseph's connection was much more indirect - as he explained that much of what he knows about dramatic structure he learned from watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Lee's The Game of Death over and over as he was growing up.  These are two different writers, from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, with different central messages to their talks... but somehow Bruce Lee managed to find his way into both talks.  It sort of got me thinking about what Bruce Lee stands for.  Hwang pointed out that, nowadays, he's more of an icon than a person in the collective unconscious (another term I heard in a presentation today).  Lee is strength and grace and - let's be honest - no small amount of cheese.  Inspiration can come from anywhere...and can lead pretty much anywhere!

Moscow... снова

It seems crazy, but I'm in prep mode for my FOURTH journey to Mother Russia and the Moscow Art Theatre.  We had an info meeting yesterday, which was amusing largely because I haven't been around many people lately, and apparently it was sensory overload for me.  This manifested itself in a series of some of the strangest metaphors imaginable.  Seriously... what is wrong with me!?  But regardless, I figured I should probably start the countdown, to get my head in the game - look out Moscow... I'm coming!

Breakup Goggles

I think this may be a phenomenon identified by How I Met Your Mother - the idea that, once you've decided to end a relationship, suddenly you start to see it all through idealized, rose-colored glasses.  Now, this is a faulty metaphor for me, because I have had a wonderful time during my stay here in Marshall, MN.  But in addition to the awesome rehearsals and classes, I've also been more than a little solitary and homesick as well... and that is most definitely the part of the guest director experience that I was least prepared for and am most looking forward to being rid of.  And now, as I'm sitting here in the theatre before our final dress rehearsal, looking ahead to the dwindling days I have left here at SMSU and with the great people I have met here, I am definitely feeling sad that this time is about to come to an end.  Theatre is a small world, and there is every possibility that I may cross paths with many of these folks again at some point, but I have no idea when that will be.  So as much as a big part of me has wanted to go home to Brian and our kitties (and my own bathroom!), the idea of not being here anymore is getting sadder and sadder each day.  I've been so lucky with all the great folks I've met here, it's going to be tough to bid them all farewell!

And even tougher, I have no idea when my next show will be!  It will be awesome to see my boyfriend when he arrives on Friday, and awesome to see our friends in Chicago on Saturday, and awesome to get home to my sweet kitties on Sunday... but once I get back to Ypsi, my immediate (and distant) future is made up entirely of writing my dissertation, writing articles, writing presentations, and applying for jobs.  For the first time in I don't know how long, I have no next show in the pipe.  And that is terrifying.  When will be my next chance to direct or act?  I have no idea.  That, among all the other uncertainties hanging over my head at this particular point in my life, is probably the one that makes me feel the most out to sea.  Well...that and the big question of a paycheck after May... but that just makes me want to throw up a little bit.  So... yeah.

Dead Man's Cell Phone - The Redial

I've been in Marshall, MN since January, rehearsing another production of Dead Man's Cell Phone at Southwest Minnesota State University.  They had already chosen the play before I was hired, so it's a strange little experience to be tackling the same show again so close to my first time through (back in October at Wayne State).  But I'm having a good time here trying to make sense of this play with a new group of students and designers, so I wanted to share some photos from our rehearsals so far (courtesy of my rockin' SM, Turi).

Warming up, pretty early in the process

Gordon on the Subway (yeah... I'm definitely stealing a few bits from myself)

The Other Woman and Jean

Jean and the Other Woman

Jean and The Other Woman

Mrs. Gottlieb and Hermia...and apparently I make claws at my actors a lot

Jean & Dwight

Gordon and Jean

Almost everyone (poor Marissa is just out of the frame)

Jean and Dwight

This time we're just missing Gordon

The follies!

Punching each other is awesome

See...they're still friends after all the punching

I can also do the punching!

From Moscow to Marshall

Last night I taught the first in a series of three workshops about contemporary Russian actor training that I'm offering while I'm here at Southwest Minnesota State University. I've spent the last three summers studying this work at the Moscow Art Theatre, and I've used it myself in rehearsals - to varying degrees of success.  I even incorporated a little bit of it into my Acting 1 class after my first trip to Moscow.  But this was my first chance to take the work I've been doing and package it for delivery to new students in a concentrated way.  And I have to say, I was really surprised by how well it went.  First, I ended up with 16 students, which was basically the perfect size - with this size you can divide the group into two equally sized, still even-numbered, still big enough to be a challenge groups, which allows them the chance to watch and reflect on the work that's being done.  I was worried that I'd have to do a lot of referring to notes and whatnot, but it turned out that, once I got moving, I was in the zone.  I definitely wasn't on Sergei's level - I don't pretend I ever will be - but I did feel like I was maybe channeling him a little bit here and there.  We worked through a number of exercises focused on concentration, ensemble and focus - and they really went for it.  They laughed and made faces and got frustrated, but they also succeeded in a lot of ways, which was a lot of fun.  The big question will come next week, I think, when they have to bring in object etudes.  It's one thing to work together on these exercises, it's something else to create an imaginative illustration of an object and an event.  I'm very interested to see what they bring back to me next week - and I have to admit I'm wondering who will and won't come back.  But in general, I got a great vibe from the group.  I'm really looking forward to the work they're going to do next week, building off of our time together.  This is a small department, but boy is it energetic!  Go Mustangs!  And, on a personal note, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself!  Hooray team me! (Ура команда меня!)